Many people get flustered when they sit down to negotiate. Even the so-called pros, just freeze and come out the loser. For some people, it is just not fun and they are never happy with the outcome.
This negotiation process has become even more difficult with the enforced lockdown, social distancing, restrictions on direct meeting and remote, video conferences and meetings. The negotiations may take place across video conferences, emails or phone but each of them has some shortcomings, making it harder for the parties involved to make the best deal possible.
This is being discussed in a conversation with Leigh Thompson, negotiations professor at Kellogs School of management with Curt Nickisch as part of the HBR Podcast series. She has written a book Negotiating the sweet spot: The art of leaving nothing on the table
We present here a summary of this conversation. You can hear the full podcast here.
Negotiating virtually is harder than negotiating in person because often we use what has worked in person at the virtual table, and we are often puzzled when it doesn't go the way they should have.
Most of us think instinctively and feel that we are at our best face to face as we think we are good at reading the body language, at reading a room. There could be situations when you may want to put moe of a virtual barrier. For example, if you were to ask for more money, it may be easier to put it in an email rather than face to face.
Also, when you are in a weaker position, meaning that you do not have a better alternative to a negotiated settlement. The other person may be in a stronger position and it may help to have extra time to prepare responses. Again, you may want to put up a virtual barrier when the negotiations are getting contentious or acrimonious and you may regret later what you say in the heat of the moment.
Virtual negotiations are difficult because of barriers, some you may see, feel and recognise but some you may not even be aware of. What we need to recognise is that when we do a virtual meeting we get down to business immediately whereas when we are face to face we do a lot of socialising before we talk business. This socialising helps people get more comfortable with each other, develop more trust in the other party and help reach a moe amenable agreement.
For the very charismatic star salesman who excels in person, is very good with people face to face, who can pick up the clues, it becomes rather difficult when the meeting is held virtually. Their P charisma, personal charisma, of how you fill-up the room, how you use your voice, how you gesture becomes irrelevant in a virtual meeting. In a physical meeting, an experienced salesman can predict who seems to have thought leadership in the room. It has a lot to do with the stature of the person and when they speak, people listen.
But virtual meetings call for a different set of attributes that seem to give a person a lot of stature. It has more to do with the substance of what they are saying and their delivery and less with their actions, and vocal quality. This is what is called E charisma, electronic charisma, the term discussed in the book(1)
So substance is more important. The way we build trust which is absolutely essential for negotiation is different when we do virtually, versus face to face. In a virtual meeting, trust is initially built on what we feel about the opposite person namely he knows what he is talking about. Over time you start developing the emotional component of trust. When you are trying to build a new relationship, and in virtual meeting you are, make sure you demonstrate your professional competence, your subject matter expertise and also your human side.
In a virtual meeting, positive messages are interpreted as neutral and neutral messages are seen as negative, essentially because you cannot see, feel the person you are negotiating with. This is because communication is more ambiguous when done virtually as we have a hard time interpreting the intended meaning of the messages. eg: In an email message, was it written in anger, is he being sarcastic, should I take it seriously are the questions that crop up when the message is uncomfortable. To give the appropriate message it is important to have a good beginning and a good end, give a little more of the context.
One thing to remember in virtual meetings is to keep your camera on and never to switch it off especially during negotiations. Looking at a blank screen and only hearing the voice sets a negative image for the meeting and it becomes very difficult to overcome that. The visual helps a person to form a preliminary impression about who he is dealing with and depriving it is equivalent to taking information away, removing the human factor.
When you do have to turn your camera off, bad connectivity, either put a mirror in front of yourself as you talk so that your voice gets moderated by what you look at and that emotion gets across to the receiver or put up a picture of the seminar/ meeting room in front of you and imagine you are in that room and accordingly your voice will convey a similar emotion. this helps you humanising the other person.
Next is what is called language matching. When you find the other person using certain words more frequently, you might feed those words back in affirming the counterparts view and to noticing the same and this sends a strong message. It is literally getting both into a mental alignment. Some people do it naturally. Others have to be more purposeful and thoughtful about this. One way is to keep a pad out of sight, making note of phrases and words used repeatedly and using the same words as feedback. it's a way of affirming their viewpoint and checking the understanding.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about virtual negotiation is that you think it will be more efficient and more productive but it is not. You need to give time to build rapport and ease into the conversation. Again it is important to keep in mind that the shared context is missing, while I am having a business conversation my counterpart may be in bed taking care of his babies simultaneously.
hence always check the context. Inform about the intention of the conversation. be clear about the purpose of the conversation. be direct as the other person may not understand the intended meaning of the message.
Adapting Negotiations to a Remote World
HBR IdeaCast
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